Monday Musings...

Dear Old Friend (whom I haven’t seen in years):

Remember when you told me that fast food restaurants saved the crummy food items for the drive thru (yeah, I spelled it “thru”) so that we wouldn’t notice we had the buns that were falling apart, and the cold crappy fries until we were gone?   Remember how I disagreed?    I think Jacks saved such a biscuit for me this morning.

Dear Diet:

Why are you so elusive?    What?   Because of fast food?!   :::oh:::

Dear Fast Food Restaurants:

If I go on a diet, will you survive without me?

Dear Grocery Store:

Is it cheaper to buy groceries than to eat out every day?   I haven’t noticed you being too cheap on those food prices, you know.

Dear Taste Buds:

Can you handle my cooking night after night?   Better question, can Ole Boy?

Thought for the day:   I don’t like wearing Maypop jeans.    You know, the ones that have gotten so tight, they may pop when you sit down…

Shiloh National Military Park (Savannah, TN)

That's Not God...

You can make your choices.

You can’t choose the consequences.

V  If you marry the man all your friends and family begged you to leave alone, when it falls apart, that’s not God trying to teach you endurance.  

V  If you’re in a hurry and you get a ticket going 50 mph in a 35 speed limit zone, that’s not God trying to teach you patience.

V  If you are exposed abusing your position and are publicly embarrassed, that’s not God trying to teach you humility.

V  If you spend time complaining about your job and being critical of your coworkers, when you lose your job, that’s not God trying to teach you to trust Him.

V  If you compromise your health by letting your appetite get out of control and have to go on a strict diet, that’s not God trying to teach you self-control.

V  If you get caught gossiping and people all around are mad at you, that’s not God trying to teach you to love your enemies.

V  If you slap-hazardly do your project, and it has to be done over causing you twice as much work, that’s not God trying teach you perseverance.

V  If you elect ungodly people to run your country, and the economy takes a nose dive…that’s not God…He most likely is standing back and watching you try to do it without Him.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.   Galatians 6:7

Middle Age Ain’t All It’s Cracked up to be...

What are the perks of middle age, anyway?   There must be some, or none of us would do it, right?   Hitting middle age brings about symptoms called “peri-menopause” (translated men-oh-beware).  Apparently, it is at this phase of our lives “middle age” becomes “middle rage” because our moods can get vicious volatile in the way of a happy relationship.    Or any relationship.  Your relationship with your kids, your husband, and your dog can change.   You may even notice a difference in the way the local grocery store cashier reacts to interacts with you, especially if the store is out of the right type of chocolate chip cookie.   It certainly isn’t your fault, by the way, that folks are suddenly driving you completely nuts, and you have to deal with it by knocking a few woolly warts on their heads.  (Use extreme caution doing this to people you don’t know, or co-workers who may strike you back.   Or grocery store cashiers.  Plus, I am fairly certain that “I’m menopausal” is not a viable criminal courtroom defense.)

According to my body research,

Peri-menopause symptoms include:

Hot Flashes

Sleep Problems

Mood Changes

Bladder problems

Did I mention perks earlier?   You can forget certain perks…like your chest.   Won’t be any perkiness there, unless you’ve gone the way of silicon, and to be truthful, I have my doubts about perky silicon.    And let’s not talk about what the doctors want to do to said perky-less chest.   On my first smashomammogram, I lost whatever innocence I may have had left.  It was an eye-opener.   A WIDE eye opener, wide in surprise that a boob could be that smashed that flat and not blow out.

Men have to deal with these things, too, only they call it Mid-Life Crisis.  (I don’t think certain parts of their anatomy are smashed flat in a vice-like contraption, though.   They couldn’t handle it anyway; they would squeal like little girls have to be coma induced.)   I don’t know too much about men’s symptoms; Ole Boy never seemed to hit MLC mode.  Perhaps I was too busy with my own changing moods and fiery flashes that I forgot to notice.   Or, I was possibly too drowsy from my lack of sleep.  Did I mention the inability to sleep?   Yeah, that's a real one.

And my eyes!!  Three pairs of glasses:  bifocals, progressive lenses, and computer glasses, and I still have to squint, which adds to the wrinkles!  (I'm not even going to talk about wri...fine lines.)  I sometimes have to switch out at least two pairs for one task!   And there are times when no glasses are better than any of the three.   I have been known to put on two pairs at the same time…NOT because I was having a senior moment...but because I couldn’t see!   And it worked….which led me to the sad realization that it might be time to go back to the doctor for a new prescription.  Glasses are not cheap.  

There are perks to middle age, I know.  Benefits that don’t have anything to do with body aches, bladders, weight gain, hot flashes or moods swings, like taking your vacation at any time during the year, not just around school schedules.  To be honest, I’ve had it pretty easy compared to menopausal horror stories I’ve heard.   Besides, if my moods are any worse than they used to be, Ole Boy is too scared hasn’t mentioned it.