Adrenalin kicked in and Sarah made it to the mountains without stopping. After checking in, she made a quick trip to the shopping center for food and supplies before finally settling in by late afternoon. Sitting in the silence as the shadows filled the chalet, Sarah began to cry. The hurt would not let her finish the sentence that her husband and her best friend…no, the thought could not be completed! Sarah wept until the full moon lit the night, and she fell asleep staring out the window at the starry sky through tear-filled eyes.
She awoke to streaming sunlight and the hint of a beautiful day. She had intended to stay inside the chalet for days, but the sunshine and the mountains beckoned her, and she gave in to the inviting sound of the highland breeze. As anticipated, a day of visiting the gorgeous peaks and pinnacles calmed her thoughts. By the time she made it back to the chalet, the sun was setting over the ridges. Sarah sat on her little balcony watching the brilliant display of pinks and purples, and she murmured, “Amazing!”
The whispered word seemed to echo over and over in her mind, and a distant memory began to form of a song from long ago when she was a child at church. She hadn’t given church or God much thought since college, but unexpectedly, she could remember every word of the song, and she began to softly sing,
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I’m found;
Was blind, but now I see.
Sarah couldn’t explain it, but with the cooling of the mountain air, she felt peace embracing her. She was able to let her mind grasp that her husband and her best friend had so deeply hurt her. Oddly, she recognized that Lissa’s betrayal had wounded her more than her husband’s. She wanted to talk to Lissa; she had always talked to Lissa when she was upset, almost forgetting that she was responsible for her pain.
She wasn’t able to show Lissa her hurt or her rage, there was no opportunity to ask her why, or to demand of her how she could do this terrible thing to their friendship; yet Sarah was unable to hate her. Perhaps she was too hurt to hate. One day, she might ask Bob those questions, but the answers wouldn’t matter, because answers wouldn’t change anything, and no answer could bring Lissa back. From nowhere, or maybe from above, the thought came to Sarah that if Lissa were still alive, she would forgive her.
Later that night, Sarah lay in bed staring at the stars thinking about the unbidden thoughts of forgiveness earlier. Forgiving Lissa if she were living meant that she could forgive her even though she was gone. Sarah fell into a gentle sleep with promises of forgiveness. She dreamed of telling Lissa goodbye; closure that had been denied the friends when Lissa died so unexpectedly.
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