Dear Time:
Could you back up a little? This age thing is really affecting me!
Dear Age:
You act like an old woman. No wonder people lie about you!
Dear Head:
I know you’re in the clouds a lot, but this silver lining thing you got going on is not attractive.
Dear Gray Roots (aka silver lining):
Meet Miss Clairol.
Dear Morning:
Why are you so mean to my face?
Dear Mirror:
You just ain’t as pretty as you used to be. I try to avoid you first thing in the morning.
Dear Make Up:
Slacker! You don’t work near as well as you used to.
Dear Joints:
Could you try to be a little more quiet? You’re disturbing the peace with all that snap! crackle! pop!
Dear Midlife:
What up with all these sound effects? Hot flashes? Dry skin? Mood swings?
Dear Ole Boy:
Thank you for putting up with me. You’re the best!
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